Being online can have benefits!
Interacting online is not always scary and dangerous.
In fact:
In fact:
- Research shows that using social media can have positive effects on social-emotional wellbeing by helping youth feel less alone and more confident
- Kids can find online communities that accept them for who they are
- They can practice social skills in a safe space online
- Being online reduces the barriers in connecting with others
Protective Factors for Online Safety
There are many things that we can do to promote safety online and prevent harm. When engaging with the young people in your life, here are some of the factors you can demonstrate that protect them from causing harm to others:
Teach youth to:
Teach youth to:
- Use as little identifying info as possible online
- i.e. Talk to them about not sharing address/school information, full and/or real names, age, pictures with identifying information.
- Recognize when something feels unsafe
- This is a good opportunity to talk about how our bodies feel when something doesn't "seem right".
- Talk to a safe adult when they need help
- It can be helpful to support young people with identifying multiple safe adults in different settings so they know they have support wherever they are.
- Go through a platform’s process to report harmful activity
- Fear-mongering
- Young people are going to make their own decisions. Approaching the internet with fear and doom doesn't actually teach them how to be safe and doesn't equip them with the skills needed should they need help.
- Shaming/Blaming
- How you respond to the young people in your life about the choices they make or the situations they are in will determine if/how they seek help in the future. This is a good place to model empathy and kindness. It may also be helpful to figure out the supports YOU need as you navigate the internet with your young people.
- Thinking that parental/administrative controls are the solution
- Kids are smart. SUPER smart. Parental controls are great and there are so many ways around them. Skill building for safety is key for protection and prevention.
- Focusing only on “stranger danger”
- It is very easy to fall into stranger danger when talking about the internet because we can never actually be sure the person/people we are interacting with are who we think they are. That being said, we know that sexual violence happens most often with people we know. It can be more confusing if a young person is experiencing harm by a friend, acquaintance, and/or trusted adult so talking to young people about how they feel and who they can talk to builds a good foundation.
Common Apps
The apps that young people use change every day. An important practice to consider is talking to your young people about how they are showing up online. What apps do they like and why? Currently popular apps include TikTok, Instagram, SnapChat, WhatsApp, Whisper, among many others. Each app operates slightly differently so it is important to consider sitting down with your young people to learn about how the app works, what kind of data it collects, and how you can customize security and privacy features.
Privacy
Privacy is a common worry for adults who care about young people. It is also one of the hardest topics to talk about because the reach of the internet can be confusing. Researcher Dr. Dave Anderson offers up the grandmother rule: People “shouldn’t share anything online that they wouldn’t be comfortable with the entire world reading. Including their grandmother.” (Anderson, Child Mind Institute) This is not intended to make people nervous but it can help paint a clearer picture of the reach of whatever we post online.
A good starting practice is to know how to manage privacy settings, location settings, where your information is being shared and how.
A good starting practice is to know how to manage privacy settings, location settings, where your information is being shared and how.
Cyberbullying
Cyberbullying is a normal and frequent concern for both young people and their caregivers. Settings can help block people from friending & commenting, but they can’t prevent all negative behavior. Empathy is a huge factor in prevention cyberbullying. It can be all too easy to forget there is an actual human on the other side of the screen, but remembering how harmful behaviors make us feel can help us pause before we post something that could hurt another.
Some apps lend themselves to meanness (anonymity, apps localized by school, etc.). Knowing this can support a young person in making an informed decision about whether they want to use the app or not, and if they choose to do so, who they can talk to if they are concerned with what they are seeing.
Make sure to know how to report abuse in the app. While not ideal because harm has to happen before abuse can be reported, this can remove content that is harmful to others and hold people accountable for their actions. It can also be helpful to take screenshots and get a trusted adult involved if it is ongoing or safety is threatened.
Peers sticking up for peers is the best defense. Encourage the young people in your life to step in when they see something online that hurts other people. That might look like reporting to the app, directly saying something to the person posting the content, getting a safe adult involved, or reaching out to the person impacted to offer support.
Some apps lend themselves to meanness (anonymity, apps localized by school, etc.). Knowing this can support a young person in making an informed decision about whether they want to use the app or not, and if they choose to do so, who they can talk to if they are concerned with what they are seeing.
Make sure to know how to report abuse in the app. While not ideal because harm has to happen before abuse can be reported, this can remove content that is harmful to others and hold people accountable for their actions. It can also be helpful to take screenshots and get a trusted adult involved if it is ongoing or safety is threatened.
Peers sticking up for peers is the best defense. Encourage the young people in your life to step in when they see something online that hurts other people. That might look like reporting to the app, directly saying something to the person posting the content, getting a safe adult involved, or reaching out to the person impacted to offer support.
The Three Bs
Best Practices
• Use media with your youth
• Know your own rules
• Be consistent
• Set expectations & rehearse
• Connect media to real life
• Talk about commercials & other advertising
• Encourage creation as well as consumption
• Talk about digital citizenship
• Model the media behavior you want to see in your kids
• Model distraction-free time
• Know your own rules
• Be consistent
• Set expectations & rehearse
• Connect media to real life
• Talk about commercials & other advertising
• Encourage creation as well as consumption
• Talk about digital citizenship
• Model the media behavior you want to see in your kids
• Model distraction-free time
Be Choosy
We can model and support choices around what we interact with, how we interact with it, and how often. Here are some things to consider:
- Background TV is a choice
- It can be easy to leave the TV on in the background of whatever we are doing, but not being aware of what is playing could lead to seeing programming or messaging that is potentially inappropriate. If background noise is helpful, try music, a podcast, or white noise.
- Child development/Appropriateness
- What are they ready for? Does the media being consumed include violence, sexually explicit content, scariness, difficulty, etc.?
- Interests
- Privacy, safety, and advertising
- Chat? Info collection? Mature content? Ads? In-app purchases?
- What do reviews/expert sites say?
- Educational value
- Is there learning potential?
Balance
It can sometimes be hard to tell where the line is between just enough media consumption and too much. If you are concerned, ask yourself is the child:
- Physically healthy & sleeping enough?
- Connecting socially with family & friends?
- Engaged with & achieving in school?
- Pursuing interests & hobbies?
- Having fun & learning in their use of digital media?
Encourage safety, kindness, and care
- Talk about empathy
- It can feel easier to say and do whatever you want online because there’s a disconnect from the person on the receiving end but that doesn’t make the impact on the other person less painful – in fact, it can make the recipient feel incredibly alone!
- It can feel easier to say and do whatever you want online because there’s a disconnect from the person on the receiving end but that doesn’t make the impact on the other person less painful – in fact, it can make the recipient feel incredibly alone!
- Talk about privacy
- The internet can be a great place to connect with others, but you can do so without sharing personal or identifying information.
- Talk about safe adults
- If you ever feel sad, scared, angry, hurt, etc. by something online, talk to a safe adult. This includes if you see someone else being hurt.
- Talk about screen time and health
- Sometimes, our time spent online can make us feel stressed. It is important to take a break from screen time. Know when to disconnect and do something to take care of your body and mind.
- Talk about being a savvy consumer
- It is super important to approach what you see online with a critical eye. Learn what makes something credible, when something should be reported, and how messages we see online can influence the way we see the world around us.
- Just talk about it
Conversation Starters
Talking to the youth in your life about social media – both the positive and the negative - is a great protective factor but it can be tricky to know where to start.
- Here are some conversation starters, pulled together by the clinicians at the Child Mind Institute:
- What are your favorite accounts to follow on (Insert social media platform here)? What do you like about them?
- How do you decide what to post?
- Have you ever felt uncomfortable with something you saw or an experience you had on social media? What did you do?
- How do you know when it’s time to take a break from social media? What are some things you can do when you feel stressed?
- Sometimes when I’ve been scrolling on social media for a while, I notice that it starts to feel stressful instead of meaningful. Does that ever happen to you?
- I’ve been hearing stories about kids posting mean things about each other on social media. How do you and your friends handle it when something like that happens?
- I saw people were [mad, hurt, upset] when [X celebrity] posted about [X topic]. What did you think about their post?
Favorite resources
Common Sense Media
For information about apps, videos to watch, FAQs from families, caregivers, educators, and other concerned adults.
NetSmartz & KidSmartz
Videos and activities for kids, education materials for teachers and caregivers.
Kids Health
Internet safety for parents – includes some tips for getting involved in your kid’s online activity.
Safe Secure Kids
Free resources to help parents and caregivers prevent sexual abuse and harassment by talking about respect and consent
For information about apps, videos to watch, FAQs from families, caregivers, educators, and other concerned adults.
NetSmartz & KidSmartz
Videos and activities for kids, education materials for teachers and caregivers.
Kids Health
Internet safety for parents – includes some tips for getting involved in your kid’s online activity.
Safe Secure Kids
Free resources to help parents and caregivers prevent sexual abuse and harassment by talking about respect and consent
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The Children's Safety Partnership is a program of the Maine Coalition Against Sexual Assault (MECASA) and a partnership between MECASA, the Maine Department of Education, Maine's local sexual assault support centers, and schools across the state.